LET GO AND WALK PURPOSELY INTO YOUR DESTINY
The power to let go is to gain your truth. Walk away if it drains or depletes you!
Recently, I reflected on a number of people that have come and gone in my life. I am not sure why my mind took me to this place of thought, but I became consumed with processing the reasons why the relationships were over. Some relationships ended because of natural causes such as death and others from a variety of reasons like toxicity, betrayal, and abuse, lack of trust or disconnection. I further thought that maybe I could have salvaged a few relationships if only the right solutions and efforts were applied and sustained. On the other hand, I was truly thankful for some that were completely over. Despite the reasons I had no other choice but to accept the lessons I learned from them. Below are five lessons that I live by that have allowed me to move on in my life while letting go of relationships I had in the past.
Lesson 1: LET THEM WALK - When people walk away from you, let them. It doesn’t matter what they did for you or what you have been through with them. If they exited your life, they are not tied to your destiny and were only there for a season -- not a lifetime. It doesn’t necessarily mean that they were bad people even though some may very well have been. What is certain is that they are no longer part of your life story. It is okay to feel sad or depressed for a bit, but get up in short measure and keep living your life. Believe me, I get it -- you invested time and emotions in this person and may feel that you got burned. Instead of getting angry at those that left you, transform that pain into power by identifying the lessons learned through the heartaches.
For example, I remember dating a woman who decided to walk away from me because she said it seemed that I was taking my time to grow our relationship. I explained that was not the case and I was transparent with the plans I was executing to hopefully get us to matrimony. She became impatient and began to challenge me in ways that dampened my spirit and enthusiasm to remain with her. She eventually broke up with me because she claimed I was not moving fast enough and not meeting her timeline. She told me to come back to her once I could meet her demands and if she was not in another relationship with someone else. I respectively declined. Despite the pain I felt at the demise of our relationship, I had already begun to emotionally divest myself and knew that continuing along the path of separation was best for my dignity and sense of self-worth. I surrendered to let go and let GOD and I soon realized that he was protecting me all along.
Genuine people are those that stick with you through your hardships. Why allow a person to come back into your life and celebrate your good fortune if they are not willing to support you when you put in the blood, sweat and tears in implementing the process? Do not allow those types of people to sit at your table and celebrate the fruits of your labor when they weren’t beside you while you were putting in work.
Lesson 2: ACCEPT AND LOVE YOURSELF - Get your house in order. That means assessing your life and working to improve it. The first step is to start loving you and build trust in yourself. Work out, eat healthier, travel, meet new people and do things that you always wanted to do when you didn’t have time before. Do something different that is productive and that gives you a sense of accomplishment and brings a smile to your face. With loving yourself you must learn to enjoy being by yourself. I cannot stress the importance of this step because a lot of people I know lack strength in this area. One of the greatest gifts I received was when the same woman I mentioned above told me that she didn’t want me. I was poker-faced when she told me that, but I screamed hallelujah in my mind because I knew the relationship was dead and that gave me the out that I was looking for. I had seen the writing on the wall from signs that she was emotionally damaged and lacked interest in me. At that point, I formulated plans to go solo well in advance so fortunately I was prepared.
Lesson 3: DON’T DWELL IN THE PAST - Forget the fantasy and face the reality that those people are gone. Let them go and move forward. You cannot fly high and achieve the stars when you are living in the past. Cut the fantasy ties and sever the cord. Note to self: destroy the bungee cords too. Stop allowing people to come back and forth into your life because their dysfunction will continue to lay a path of destruction with each return.
Lesson 4: DO NOT HATE - You have to learn how to forgive people and realize that they are only human. We all have flaws. Hating someone actually causes more harm to you than it does that person. It is easier to begin building your life again without the resentment of what someone did qto you serving as a barrier to doing so.
Lesson 5: MOVE ON - You have to emotionally and mentally detach yourself from people that walk away from you. I call it divesting. You must see that person for who they truly are. That person is not who you thought they were and have proven that through their actions. Get over them and do not dwell on what it was or what it could have been. Accept reality and be thankful that you learned who they truly were before you invested even more of yourself into the relationship. Recognize that there are plenty of other people in this vast world that will be what you need. As the old saying goes - “keep on keepin’ on” because you deserve better.
Embrace the fact that people will walk away and that there is a purpose for it. You may not understand all the reasons why, but it is important that you accept it. Continue to build your emotional intelligence and put first things first -- and that is you. The pain of it all will be behind you soon enough. Let go, heal, forgive and walk purposely into your destiny.